Sick
So I was sick yesterday. It didn't happen until right before lunch, I felt a headache coming on...so I took some ibuprofen for it. Close to 3 I started feeling nauseous. I hadn't gotten one of these in a long time (migraine). I had them for years and then all of a sudden over a year ago they stopped.
I came home, took a bath, layed down, hoped it would go away before the night...I woke at 7 and it was only worse. I don't know if you have ever experienced migraines before, but when you do it's like you are not able to function. You can't think, you can't see, you feel sick (symptoms vary, of course). I am just one of the lucky ones who get them all.
Again, I apologize for last night, I know that was a biggie cancelling on that one since I am the one who set it up. I hope you can forgive. I would like to make it up by buying YOU something. Do you have plans for tonight? Me, Doug and a few friends of ours are going to the Demolition Derby on Fairgrounds!! It is really fun. Would you come with us?
Are you kidding me?
No really, are you effing kidding me?
So I (Doug) get's this email from baby mama, stating basically "I am in the process of getting the paperword done, it should be done in the next few weeks." Great. Fine. Whatever.
Then she was all "I just saw a show about this brother and sister who only found out about each other many years later. Kind of like Cheri and her brother (because I found out I had a half-brother 6 years ago). To say the least they were very upset. I do hope you guys would tell us should you ever have a child...."
Fuck you! I don't fucking think so. The only atachment you have to Doug is for his money...not his personal life, that is none of your concern. Besides, if we ever have a child we will never tell him/her about your son. We don't want them to interract nor would we ever want to see you in person. Are you getting this? What do you not understand about "You get child support - nothing more."
Oh but she will always want an atachment to Doug. She even spoke to me for a period just so she could come across as friendly, so she could get closer to Doug. The closest she has ever gotten is through email...he has never spoke to her on the phone nor does he have one inkling in him to want to see or talk to her son.
Mean as that sounds, oh well. You make stupid mistakes don't expect to get the outcome you want.
Another chance
This is what I have decided to do. It is the only way that I can feel allright again. If I don't give another chance then I will keep walking around with this anger inside of me, this resentment, kicking myself for not saying anything before...
I will let it slide and be prepared for the next time something comes up.
I am going to try to be more like my (friend) Jess: perky, bubbly, a Teresa Struxness type, if you will. Even if it means going against who I am, I can still be that person and I feel it will make everything ok again...
We will see.
I am sooooo over it
I am so over this bullshit. Now I know what my husband went through for so many years. I say so many years like it's been eternity, but really it's only been 5. Anyhow, so I am quiet for a day, not really talking, next thing I know,
"Cody is going to take me home, you can take the car."
??? Why. Are you guys going out?
"No, you seem to be in one of your "moods" so I want to leave you alone."
Ok, I am just busy, tired, don't feel good (which I feel just fine but told her that), and don't want to be here.
"Ok, well I just feel these vibes...are you sure you aren't mad at me? I just feel your vibes are directed to me."
Positive, just busy.
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I am not even putting in effort on this one because I know what will happen. I will stress myself out, cry, tell her I am sorry for being in a "mood" and things will be fine. No, because I am not sorry, I haven't done anything to her. When did NOT DOING ANYTHING to someone end up DOING THE MOST to someone? Because I am quiet and not talking.
See, this whole driving into work together to save money and chip in on gas will NEVER work if you insist upon still having someone come get you while the girl you live with drives your car home...?? Are you insane?
What the fuck ever. You complain about not enough money, yet you buy a new fridge, even though there is already one in the house...you buy two sofa's, even though in all we already have 3... (mind you WE paid for half of those to help them out so they could get them already, $250).
You don't have money because you keep spending. While Doug and I are at home saving by eating leftovers and cup-o-noodles, you spend. So whatever. Stop complaining to me about the money.
I am done with your games, I know how you play. How, you ask? Because I used to play this game many times. It's called "I didn't get enough attention today." It's really fun, as soon as the person targeted hasn't said or looked at you in the past 1/2 hour, you ask "why, what's going on, is it me?"
No, it's not you.
But that answer isn't good enough and, frankly, no answer is good enough. Because this goes straight into a battle. The battle to get everyone riled up enough, get all the attention you want, then when you are filled with your daily amount of attention, you stop and you go back to your own thing. But once this is done, you can't fix how you have already made everyone else feel...shitty...like they don't even want to be around you then. But that's ok because you got all attention directed on you for your 15 minutes of fame.
I told you so I told you so
| Yeah yeah, so you all effing told me so. "I don't think it's a good idea for you all to move in together. What about your privacy? What about you and Susie having to see each other 24/7? You are friends, you work together, now you live together - you might as well be sleeping together. No. This type of relationship doesn't work out: friends/co-workers/roomies, it only does if you are willing to sacrifice. You have to bite your lip, turn your head and let it flow. If you don't, it will only cause problems and the god forsaken drama. My significant other and I are fairly reasonable people. I don't mind switching from moist cat food to dry if it means all four eat the same. Now my cats have finally lost some weight! I don't mind parking my crappy (don't stop on me now!) truck in the rain if it means one of their nice cars gets to sit in the garage. I don't mind taking the smaller bedroom to give you the larger one. Your bed is bigger, this is common sense. Granted the bigger bedroom comes with a ridiculously awesome bathroom, it's ok, whatever, I just want a place to park it at night. But when you start complaining about every...single...little...meaningless thing - this is a problem. OK so maybe I am exaggerating a bit. Not every thing. Just every other thing... What pisses my husband off is the fact that no matter where or what we eat, it is never good enough for her. "It's too cold", "It's not done enough", "This doesn't taste right". One morning her husband made her eggs...he cooked her eggs...for his wife. And he still could not get it right and please her. "Oh my god you have no idea how much that infuriated me. I thought, 'Why you ungrateful, snobby bitch. You mean to tell me your husband cooked your breakfast and he can't even please you?' I laugh because I know my husband well and he didn't even have to tell me this. We move into a place that is $400 cheaper for both of us....$400. They never saw this money before because in the military you get BAH which is housing allowance. Our is $1,150. When you live on base, instead of charging you a rent, they just take every penny of your BAH - $1,150. If we find a place in town for $750, that is sooo much of a better deal. They don't see this savings yet because it's the first month and those are always the most expensive. We have helped out and done more than our share on the money issue, and they know this. But we don't mind helping out, it does'nt even cross our minds like, "We paid X amount so next time they have to pay exactly X amount as well to make up for it." Whatever, we know that at some point in the future it will be given back to us. If not by them then by someone else. Hopefully by them though, and I know they will. I know she feels embarrassed because they are broke, in a lot of debt and they hate to borrow, but sometimes you just have to step back and let it flow. Early on my husband and I had a guy who paid for everything when we went out, and I felt bad as well. Thinking back though I don't know what we would have done without him. Thanks Josh. The moving is done, the cats get along, we've got a sweet abode and an even sweeter kitchen, just chill. Geez |
So much to say
I have so much to say but I don't even know where to begin. So many thoughts go through my mind but I don't think I have that much time to put it all down. I want to start writing about my life from the beginning.
Do you remember those books that had the different endings? I never read one, but I saw it on VH1's Best Week Ever. When you get to the end of chapters you can either choose to skip to page X or page Y and in the end you get different endings. I think it would be cool to start writing something like that...write up to the point of major changes in my life or certain ages and totally turn it around. You can either skip to a part that takes me somewhere totally different, or just turn the next page and see what really happened.
I always think I come up with such good idea's for books but would never know how to begin. This blog will be for friend's eyes only so no on takes my idea...haha. So here's to you, one friend.
